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death
October 2008 
Accidental Overdose: Suffering and Resilience
Posted on Oct 6th, 2008
by 
Blessing Conspirator
Blessing Conspirator
We finally learned how my mother died last week. It was an accidental overdose of pain medication. I'm grateful to know it wasn't suicide, and yet still find it extremely sad that my mother's lifelong battle with emotional and physical pain caused her death. She never transcended a life of suffering in this incarnation, she never broke through to a life of real joy and healing. I hope to one day understand why I was born to her with tremendous resilience that seems to be a part of my inherent nature and she seemed to have so little resilience at all. Where does resilience come from: nurture or nature or both? Why are some people broken by one tragedy, and others can not only withstand many tragedies, but also turn them into opportunities to serve others who suffer? I just don't understand. Now I have an even deeper reason to want to know why we were so different and what, if anything, can be done for others who lack inherent resilience.
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That's something I wonder about, too…
Thank you for sharing. I am very sorry for your loss.
Oh my, I'm so sorry. I want to say about a million things but none of them feel quite appropriate right now. But don't put too much faith in inherent resilience - we all have it, and inherent vulnerability too. I think it's a little bit of a coin toss, which wins out.
“Why are some people broken by one tragedy, and others can not only withstand many tragedies, but also turn them into opportunities to serve others who suffer?”
I agree with Tink, that we all have the potential to be resilient. I can't answer your questions, but I do have my own thoughts. I think our responses in life are related to our genetics and to our personal history.
We are inherently self-absorbed. That is a good thing, because deep in our cores, we must be driven by survival if nothing else, and who better to look out for us than ourselves? It's just that our lives no longer resemble competition among other wild creatures for food and warmth like it used to, so what we are designed to do simply isn't what we need anymore. We are now in a modern environment in which different skills are called for. Our valuable inherent traits of being selfish have less healthy usefulness a couple million years after we perfected them. Now, what do we do with ourselves?
Like domesticated dogs evolved from wild, running, hunting beasts, but now kept inside someone's apartment all day long… some of us just can't live the life we have and stay healthy. Sometimes those dogs go batty and bark themselves silly for 8 hours straight, or sometimes they get depressed. Humans have lots of ways to direct the confused energy.
To actually deal with our natures in a healthy way takes SO much work, as you well know. Not everyone wants to. Not everyone has faith that the work will pay off, and are less motivated to start.
I think a person can be forced to learn a skill like resilience. Say, for example, growing up in a family where kids are not much of a priority. When you get older, and get in a tough spot, you recall that in the past you found a way to take care of yourself even though you were scared and didn't know how to do it at first. If you rack up a series of successful resilience memories, you will probably incorporate that knowledge into your toolbox. If you just got beaten back down more often than not, you probably will try something else first, before you try resilience.
Well, geez. What the heck do I know? ha ha. In any case, I have the same questions as you, and that's why I had so much to say about it. It is a gift your mother gave to you: your resilience. She may not have known she was gifting you, but it's still one of the greatest things you ever got from anyone!
Thank you dear friend, for this chance to clarify a few of my own thoughts for myself using your time and space. I hope that you find yourself surrounded by love and support each time you look up.